I like buttons.
Ever since I was a kid I discovered and pressed buttons of all shapes and sizes:
- Yellow buttons
- Green buttons
- Clear buttons
- Red buttons
- Buttons Buttons Buttons
And that’s part of the reason why I adored my Blackberry. The first day I chucked my Blackberry for the Galaxy S4 I was feeling lachry freggin’ mose. There was a feeling of buyers remorse; of angst; and even a little guilt for surrendering to the status quo. My Blackberry made me feel like a maverick. Although the Blackberry was moribund and being excoriated by tech enthusiasts I still loved it because of those damn buttons! And I felt different, I felt I was the enlightened one while everyone else in the world was capitulating to conformity.
And having a real button to press made me feel in control. I press down on the ‘s’ key and I see an immediate result on the screen. The ‘s’ character displays and it feels right. But then I got slurped into the touchscreen universe with my Galaxy S4 and ultimately my iPhone. I love my iPhone but I still have a hard time typing.
I became so proficient typing on my Blackberry that I could bang out full paragraphs without glancing at my fingers. My thumbs became precisely tuned instruments of communication allowing me to type at the velocities of court reports and hyper secretaries.
But then touchscreens took over the world and I succumbed.
Initially I was leery of using my Galaxy S4. How could I possibly type without my beloved buttons?
But as time marched forward so did my “QWERTY acumen” and not before long I was typing (I mean tapping) at a reasonable pace.
And that was great except for that one time when I toilet baptized my Droid and used that baptism as an opportunity to explore the sanctified world of iPhones.
I started on my wife’s old iPhone 4S and quickly fell in love. Despite the obsolete appearance of the phone, iOS 8 was still sprightly and full of spunk.
So I embraced my phone with alacrity.
All this happened right around the time of the iPhone 6 brouhaha so I resolved in my heart that I needed to get the iPhone 6.
So I brought it.
I’ve been using it daily since December 2014 and there hasn’t been a day where it felt lethargic. My iPhone 6 is fast, responsive, alert and ready to kick ass. Apps open with a snap and I’ve only had it freeze three or four times since my purchase.
Correcting AutoCorrekt I mean, Correct
Thus far I’ve lionized the iPhone and you might think all is well. But that wouldn’t be true. My chief issue with the iPhone is that it invariably fails to autocorrect my text messages and emails. Sometimes it’s so bad that I’m dubious every time I type.
How do I know I won’t tap out something embarrassing? (I think there’s a “That’s what she said” joke in there somewhere…”
How do I know that a message like this to my wife:
Hey love, I got you a swiffer at the store
won’t get autocorrected into this:
Hey love, I got you a stiffy at the store
You laugh now but stupid stuff like this happens all the time on my iPhone.
And don’t blame my fingers. I don’t have fat fingers. I’m a gawky 6 feet tall giant so my fingers are lissome and thin. I’m not fat fingering anything! The problem is that the iPhone is a buffoon when it comes to auto correcting text.
There are also pet names I have for my wife and little things we do that aren’t real words. I use them almost daily but when I tap these maudlin phrases into my iPhone it constantly tries to autocorrect them to “real” words. It’s like the phone doesn’t learn my typing behaviors and erroneously assumes that these words are misspelled.
Grrrr.
Fixing Auto-correct on your iPhone
You really only have two options here. Sorry for the dearth of choices but iOS 8 doesn’t really give you a lot here.
Tap (or say) Settings then head over to General and choose Keyboards.
If you discover you’re often more correct than the auto-correct feature, swipe off the AutoCorrection setting with gusto. This will instantly make you feel less livid.
Yes! You’ve vanquished autocorrection!
Or if that’s too dramatic (excuse my histrionics) you can tap the Shortcuts option on that screen and then manually enter your autocorrect phrases.
Just hit the “+” plus site in the upper right corner.
The Bottom Line
I’m generally not an irascible individual. I’m pretty composed. While skyscrapers are dissolving in the inferno and earthquakes are swallowing entire neighborhoods you’ll see me cool, collected, chilling in my Oakley’s sipping a bottle of Smartwater. Yup, while the world is falling apart Vonnie is full of equanimity. But one thing chronically makes me more livid than anything else.
Incorrect Autocorrect
When auto correct has you snorting like a pig and steaming like a boiling pot of water – you know it’s time to fix it. But instead of blowing your top just disable it or customize a few commonly used shortcuts.
And have fun with it. For example, you can add a shortcut for “BING” and treat it like an acronym that means “Bing is not Google”. Or change BMW into “Big Money Waster” or use this one the next time you tell your girlfriend to go on a diet.
DIET is “Did I Eat That?”
By the way, you do realize your relationship with her is over now right?
Anyway have fun with the auto correct shortcuts and remember… it’s only a phone! Don’t let it ruin you like it almost ruined me.
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